While it’s safe to say that all zombie events are different, there’s really nothing like a good dose of logic when it comes to surviving. You’d think that in this day and age most zombie movies would end largely without incident and with at least 99.9% of the characters surviving. After all, even us humble viewers know the difference between a good and a bad idea when we see one, so why don’t those lot? Probably because it’d make for pretty boring movies, but still…get a grip, guys!
There are so many tried and tested means for surviving a zombie apocalypse, but at the same time there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of others that have never even been touched upon. So, in the spirit of keeping all options open, here’s a quick rundown of 12 less-documented methods for surviving a zombie outbreak you may not yet have seen on the TV.
1 – Trampolines
The fact that zombies have trouble walking in a straight line means they’re unlikely to be able to keep their balance on a trampoline. Buy a bunch, weld the buggers together and bouncy-bounce yourself safe from harm!
The classic if ever there was one, simply guard each window and door of the home with a treadmill on the outside constantly set to a gentle running pace. Suffice to say, the results will be both rewarding and mildly hilarious to watch.
3 – Buy a Boat
Here’s a question – when was the last time you saw zombie hoards swimming with any kind of worrying efficiency? The answer is of course never, so rather than running around with the rest of the dumbos on land, why not buy yourself a boat and float your way to freedom?
4 – Visit Ikea
It’s impossible to find anything you want in Ikea and that’s when you’re looking for stuff that should be pretty bloody obviously placed. As such, use the home-furnishings labyrinth as a hiding place and chances are there will be a new ice age faster than the zombie masses will find you.
5 – Hide in Plain Sight
Disguise yourself as anything from a tree to a post box and chances are you’ll be able to go about your business undetected. After all, it’s not as if inanimate objects ever tend to catch the eye of invading zombie-types.
6 – Take a Hike
It’s one thing for zombies to go wild taking over your town, but we’re yet to see any that take things one step further by hiking into the hills or climbing mountains. As such, heading for much higher ground could be the way to go as even if they can be bothered trying to follow you, they’ll hopefully freeze solid along the way.
7 – Suit Up
Head to a museum that’s sadly no longer of any real value, find yourself a good-looking suit of armor and say ‘hello’ to a future where you don’t even need to hide out anymore. Seriously – there’s no set of zombie teeth in the world that can get through solid metal, which means you’re once again free to stroll around without fear of being bitten.
8 – Steal a Combine
There are plenty of ways to get the job done when it comes to mowing down as many of the brain-hungry buggers as possible, but there can’t be much better for the job than a combine harvester. Sure, it’ll get a little messy, but it’ll also get results!
9 – Fake It
It’s getting pretty clear (at least in a Hollywood sense) these days that it’s perfectly possible to make it by faking it. Or in other words, if you can get the zombies to think you are indeed a zombie yourself, you’re pretty much home free. Of course, the downside is that of having to ride out the days looking, acting and feeling like a mindless creature covered from head to toe in unspeakable horridness, but it’s certainly not the worst thing that could happen to you, right?
10 – Dig Deep
Last but not last, clearly there are some areas of the world where isn’t less plausible than others, but why not find the nearest place with a mineshaft you and your group can head down? They’re not pretty or comfy or in any way a cause for celebration, but as you’ll be about a mile below the surface of the Earth in a pretty gigantic system of caverns accessible only by a not-so-easy-to-operate lift system, surely you’ll be safe for a while at least, right?